Lust and Love
Disclaimer – Today we are meditating on the deadly sin of Lust so just a heads up, we will be speaking about marital intimacy in case there young ears – so listener discretion advised.
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John chapter 4 tells us, “God is love.”
Which means this: God the Father gave of Himself so totally and completely that this gift begets the Son. Since the Father holds nothing back in His giving, the Son becomes all that the Father is, He too is God. The Son receive the gift of the Father and responds to this gift with a total gift of Himself. And the love between the Father and the Son is so real, that this mutual gift of self is another Person, the Third Person of the Trinity, the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is the Bond of Love in Person
When Scripture says God is Love what is meant is that God is
1. A Free and Total Gift of Self
2. That results in a Permanent Union of Persons
3. From which another Person springs forth
This is why 1 John 4:8 tells us that “God is love.”
God designed marriage and sexual love to be an icon, a reflection and expression of His love. So if marriage and sexual love are to be what God intended, they both must be
1. A free and total gift of self
2. To form a permanent indissoluble union
3. A union that is ordered to the new life of children
Sexual Love is meant to be a total, permanent and faithful gift of self that is ordered to new life. The deadly sin of Lust reduces that to selfish taking instead of generous giving
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Since God created Marriage and Family to express His Life
Then Marriage and Sexual Love must be a
1. Free and total gift of self
2. Permanent and Indissoluble
3. Ordered to new life
Lust reduces that that to selfish taking instead of generous giving
Lust is a sin because it is not loving enough – refusing to love as much as you can.
The question of whether an act is love or lust comes down to this question:
· Am I loving enough
· Does this thought or action reflect God's Love?
In other words,
1. Is it a free and total gift of self?
2. Does it express the permanent, exclusive union of the spouses?
3. And is it a gift of self ordered to new life?
From this it is easy to see that:
1. Sex before or outside of marriage
· Including masturbation (2352)
· fornication or adultery (2353)
· These actions are not
· a total gift of self to another person
· that expresses a permanent indissoluble union
· Therefore they do not reflect God’s love
2. A Divorce that you have chosen, not one that has been forced on you against your will, does not reflect a permanent unbreakable union
· Therefore it does not mirror God’s love
· Divorce is a grave offense against the natural law 2384
3. Contraception is not a total gift of self
· One’s fertility is held back
· It is not unitive
· It is not ordered to new life
a. Contraception does not echo God’s love 2366
4. Direct sterilization, in-vitro fertilization, artificial insemination and same sex unions
· do not imitate the love of the Trinity 2377
All of these actions fall short of the kind of love that is reflective of God. They are lust and wrong because they are not loving enough. And the opposite of love is use and use will never satisfy the human heart.
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Men sin through lust when instead of loving as God loves they use women for pleasure John Cougar had a popular but horrible song that captured the way men lust:
I need a lover that won’t drive me crazy
Somebody to thrill me – and just go away
I need a lover that won’t drive me crazy
Somebody who knows the meaning of - “Hey hit the highway.”
Men can use their wives in sex; men use women through pornography; and men use women with the 2nd look.
Jesus said, “You have learnt how it was said: You must not commit adultery. But I say this to you: if a man looks at a woman lustfully, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”
Women use men to get what they want.
What does a woman want most? Boy I wish I knew the answer to that…
Actually, whenever I am teaching, I ask a crowd of women what they want most and they usually respond by saying they want to be wanted, cherished, valued, protected, and loved.
Women may sin through lust by giving sex to get what they want.
Woman may also sin through lust be refusing to give love through sexual intimacy with their husbands. Remember, Lust is a sin because it is not loving enough – refusing to love as much as you can through the body is wrong.
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Pornography is a grave sin and if done knowingly and willingly it is a mortal sin – destroys God’s life in our soul.
The origin of the Porn addiction is the Vice of curiosity – looking at what you have no business looking at.
Now, all addictions are routines. Will power is nothing other than making a strategy ahead of time to break the routine where it starts. But we must Break the routine where it starts, at the first step. If you struggle with porn then what is your routine that leads you to porn? Find where and how it starts and break it right there.
For example a guy, working at home, gets tired, goes to the fridge, comes back, doesn’t want to go back to work and starts surfing on his phone that ends with porn. So how does he break this. He must break the routine where it begins. When he’s tired of work, don’t go to the fridge, that’s where the routine begins, instead, do something else go for a walk, go outside, do 10 push-ups, do something to break the routine where it starts.
To conquer Lust, you must be careful not to indulge the desire to browse around aimlessly on your phone or computer. If you do not have something good you are specifically searching for on-line you will get into trouble. If you are looking for something entertaining on-line – something that is not meaningful or worthwhile – men - you will end up looking at porn. Find where your routine begins and make a strategy to break it there.
Pray the Litany of St Joseph every morning.
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Chastity is the virtue that conquers lust
St Augustine said: Chaste is the heart that loves without looking for reward.
· Ti voglio bene
· I want your good
· Think of the good of the other and do that