Are You Perfectly Happy?
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Are you perfectly happy?
“Yes. Wait, no. Wait, wait? I’m not sure. I haven’t really thought about it.” Well, the first step is to examine one’s life to see if we are living well. But how do I know if I really am living well? Are my priorities right and am I living according to my priorities? Let’s begin with what all people want - happiness. Happiness is to possess the good things that complete or fulfill our human nature. We are complicated creatures who need many good things to be fulfilled and happy. We need a Hierarchy of good things - three levels of good things:
1. Divine Good – Union with God, sharing in His Life by means of the sacraments, prayer and the practice of virtue.
2. Human Goods:
a. Physical goods (food, shelter, health, safety, security, exercise, rest)
b. Psychological well-being
i. Order, certainty, stability
ii. Variety / Uncertainty, opportunity for change and growth
c. Friendship – Love and Acceptance with other persons
d. Knowledge – truth
e. Achievement / Meaningful Work / Contribution / a sense that we are needed and useful
f. Beauty
3. Instrumental goods – These are means to higher goods and not ends in themselves
a. Protein and carbs – coffee - because we need nutrition…
b. Money, power, good reputation as a means to the higher goods
c. We need things that are just a means to an end – like books - Books are good, but only as a means to knowledge or beauty or achievement
Think of life like baking – we need the right ingredients, in the right proportion and in the right order. So how is your recipe looking?
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To receive all the good things we need to be happy there is a really helpful tool – it’s called a Rule of Life – St. Benedict popularized it. It is a schedule, a strategy, a recipe – whatever you want to call it to live a balanced life and be happy.
1. Physical Needs
a. Sleep 6-8 hrs/day
b. Personal hygiene 30 min/day
c. Eat 2 hrs/day
d. Exercise 30 min 3-5 days/week plus the commute to gym if necessary = 1hr
2. Friendship with Christ
a. 30 min/day in Meditation/Rosary
b. Frequent the Eucharist and Reconciliation
3. Human Relationships/Friendship
a. 30 minutes of quality time with spouse/day
b. 30 minutes of quality time with kids/friends
4. Meaningful Work 8-10 hrs/day
a. In the home or out
b. 1 hour for your commute
5. Knowledge - Learn about what interests you
6. Experience beauty in its many forms
Be creative in combining two or more of these at one time (walking and talking with a spouse or friend at sunset gets your friendship, exercise and beauty).
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Our Problem
· We have too much of some ingredients
· Too little of others
· And in some instances - the wrong ingredients
Here is where we must examine our life honestly:
Do I have the right ingredients in my life?
Do I put first things first and second things second? I’ll make it simple for you. God is first and everything else is second.
Do I make enough time to cultivate an intimate friendship with God through daily meditation, frequent reception of the Eucharist and Reconciliation?
How am I doing with the human goods? Am I getting enough sleep, eating what is good for me, exercising regularly…?
Do I have meaningful work? Am I working too much or too little?
What relationships has God placed in my life and how would I evaluate them, and what could I being doing better in those relationships?
Am I pursuing truth, knowledge, a better understanding of God, my faith, the world…?
Am I delighting in beauty through nature, people, books, music ect or do I waste time in entertainment? Beauty leads us to a greater contact with God. Entertainment on the other hand offers an escape from reality because it is a distortion of reality – an alternative to reality.
Do I have too much of some ingredients and too little of others?
I am missing essential ingredients?
Do I have wrong ingredients - those that will spoil the recipe?
Now you can have good ingredients that don’t t don’t belong your recipe. Maybe you have said yes to things that were not God’s will. You can have the best cut of steak but it doesn’t belong in cheesecake.
Then there are things that should just never go in any recipe – like rat poison. What is the rat poison in your life - things like addictions, anger, gossip, lack of gratitude, lust…
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Since, we are masters of self-deception, we should make an honest self-assessment and then share it with someone we can trust.
The standard in our own head is not enough. You might think you have great taste, but it’s always best to let someone else taste the dish too.
Sit down with someone who seems to have the right priorities in life and say, “Well, what do you think?”
Ideally this would be your spiritual director or least someone who knows the real purpose of life and how to achieve it; but also someone who knows you and will be fearlessly frank with you.
Hopefully, it is someone you can come back to periodically to discuss your life with because we are constantly changing and hopefully growing. So who will you share this with?
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For most of us, this process of living well of getting our priorities right and living according to those priorities begins by getting rid of things that don’t belong there.
This is where Jesus said: If your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It is better to enter heaven with one hand than to go into hell with two. If your right eye causes you to sin it is better to pluck it out. It is better to enter heaven with one eye than go to hell with two.
We all have sinful habits. Things that we habitually think, say or do that are ruining our happiness – ruining our recipe.
Identify those sinful habits as well as the routines or triggers or occasions that lead us into the sin. Its not enough to get the weeds – we’ve got to get the roots as well.
Finally, once you have examined your life with someone you trust, make a list of 2-3 concrete things you commit to do to change your life and take these to prayer. Talk them over with God. Ask Him for the grace to live the way He designed you to live. Ask Him to show you how to live differently. Then make a concrete plan or a strategy to live differently. Put that plan or those steps in action and at the end of each day pause and reflect on how you have done specifically in regard to the few things you are working on.